Days go by without me even noticing. I live in this bubble of numbness that makes everything distant and blurred. I spend my mornings at the psychiatry ward, afternoons at the library, nights at home, alone with my thoughts, which seem distant and detached too. My eating pattern is screwed and I’m not even trying to lose weight. I don’t feel real at all, but this time it’s not a dissociative episode. It’s a permanent feeling of being detached from everything, like nothing’s real after all. If there’s a party I drink so I can be sociable, but it’s just a smiling, empty shell that interacts with people. I’m dead, and maybe I’ve never been alive.
Sometimes all I need is watching Blade Runner.